I’ve been thinking about mirrors. When I look in the mirror, at any given point, I never look the same. Some days my hair looks great and then I see myself in a picture and it looks awful. Other days I see myself in a passing window and wonder who that old woman is. In my head, I look 25 again. I’m tall, hot and happy.
And there in is the glitch. I’m waiting on my youth to return. I wait when I’m walking for my body to catch up and return me to 25. I expect my arms to return to buff like they were many years ago while I use my bands. I dream of the wind rushing through my hair as I ride my bike knowing that today I have less hair. My youth will not return. In the waiting I’m wasting time and dreaming of a past that won’t return. I’m not honoring the years I’ve lived, the experiences I’ve had, the people who love me just as I am.
I’m done waiting. I am who I am, full of lots of experiences and love and moving forward into health that I can achieve today. The past is the past. The future is tomorrow. Today is all there is. Let’s live it and stop looking in mirrors.
Perfection is “lean” and “taut” and “hard” – like a boy athlete of twenty, a girl gymnast of twelve. What kind of body is that for a man of fifty or a woman of any age? “Perfect”? What’s perfect? A black cat on a white cushion, a white cat on a black one . . . A soft brown woman in a flowery dress . . . There are a whole lot of ways to be perfect, and not one of them is attained through punishment.